Writing1-Efficiency

January 26, 2010: Efficiency

Teachers often talk about mechanics and syntax and punctuation -- all of which //are// important -- but a less-frequently-mentioned key to good writing is the simple matter of efficiency. If your sentences are clean and clear, and each one is consistent with the expectations you set up, it will be easier for your readers to stay oriented. What you write will be (more likely to be) understood...and that is what communication is all about.


 * Elements of efficiency:** (A) Sentence Simplicity, (B) Sentence Unity , and (C) Active vs. Passive Voice.


 * //**Try revising AT LEAST ONE OF THE SAMPLES, below.** Be supportive, not repetitive -- if a classmate has already taken a stab at it, you can make a comment in support instead of making your own revision, but note that there are multiple ways to revise these statements. Feel free to add or subtract details, as long as the essence of the statement remains. **Use a new bullet to insert your proposal.**//

**A. Sentence Simplicity.** Remember my analogy (from the first day of school) about how the baby bird's pre-chewed meal makes digestion easier? Your reader should not have to work hard to figure out what it is you're trying to say. Word choice, the distance between the subject and verb, a proliferation of prepositional phrases -- all of these make can affect the difficulty of a sentence or passage.

A1. reduce the proliferation of prepositional phrases: Social contract theory is a complex web of theories today that attempts to explain the importance of states to exercise power over the governed in order to ensure social order.
 * Social contract theory is a complex, modern process practiced to explain the role state power excercises in ensuring social order.

**B: Sentence Unity.** Knowing when to start and end sentences sounds simple, but it's not always so. Many writers chop up sentences into unnecessarily disconnected and/or repetitive pieces, and many others make "run-ons" by extending sentences unnaturally.

Some cues to opportunities for **combining sentences**: relatively simple consecutive sentences share the same subject and/or have the same element at the beginning of the second that ended the first ("overlap"). Some cues that you might have a **run-on** to fix: a sentence is made up of two dependent clauses connected by only a comma (often called a "comma splice") or by no punctuation at all (also known as a "fused sentence"). See this resource for further definitions.

B1. combine sentences: //The Crucible// was a book set in Salem, Massachusetts in the year 1692. Abigail Williams was one of the main characters who cried "witchcraft" to the very suspicious village, to avoid getting caught breaking the rules.

B2. combine sentences: Quakers are true nonconformists. The second definition of nonconformity is the movement or principles of English Protestant dissent. The English Protestant dissent included the Quaker religion. Quakers came about in 17th century England after the English Reformation. They were a band of dissenters who did not agree with the Anglican Church -- the state-sponsored Church of England -- because they thought it was too similar to the Catholic Church and its style was too ritualistic.
 * Abigail Williams, one of the main characters in //The Crucible// who cried "witchcraft" to the very suspicious Salem, Massachusetts, tries to avoid getting caught breaking the rules in 1692. (this sounds wordy)
 * //The Crucible//, a play about the witchtrials in Salem, Massachusetts in the year 1692, focuses on a deceiving young woman named Abigail Williams who started the whole witch cry.
 * Quakers, the true nonconformists,

B3. avoid run-ons: If one person in a crowd yells one thing, soon another person will do the same, eventually the whole crowd is for the same cause.
 * After one person yells, the crowd soon follows.

**C: Active vs. Passive Voice.** Use of "passive voice" can lead to unnecessarily long and complicated sentences that are made harder to read by the fact that the action has been hidden. This resource can give you some valuable definitions and examples. Converting passive constructions to active ones can provide more information in less space -- that's efficiency!

Some cues to noticing passive voice (so you can **avoid overuse**) include: "there is" and "there are", reliance on "to be" verbs.

C1. avoid unnecessary passive voice: In society, there are views and perceptions generated by authorities that become the standard truth.
 * In society, authorities generate views and perceptions that become the standard truth.

C2. avoid unnecessary passive voice: In every society there are both conformists and nonconformists. While the majority of people are conformists, people should be nonconformists because the "system" we live by is not always correct
 * [enter your revision here]